Soo-Lin Saeng Ho
Winhu Apartment 101-ho
Shinda-dong 400 bunji
Ganjan-gu, Seoul
SOUTH KOREA
Above: Seoul, South Korea
Harper Family
425 Morgan Boulevard
Houston, Texas
77013
USA
Above: Houston, Texas, USA
To my host family,
My name is Soo-Lin.
I am delighted to learn that you will be acting as my new family during my time in your country.
I am writing to formally introduce myself to you all.
I come from Daejon in South Korea, but I am currently studying international relations in Seoul, our capital city.
I hope to work for an international corporation following graduation.
Above: Daejon, South Korea
You may not be very familiar with my country and culture, so I would like to share some information with you.
I look forward to learning more about your culture in the near future.
Korea, traditionally an agricultural society, is based on tight-knit family life with large families being the norm.
Despite the continuing westernization of South Korea, traditional family values are still thriving.
With the shift from an agricultural society to a more urban society, the ratio of nuclear to extended families has risen.
However, family life still continues to reflect traditional Korean values from the past.
Above: Flag of South Korea
Our society is founded on the principles of hard work, obedience, protection of the family and propriety.
In contrast to most Western countries, Asian countries appear to place much greater importance on family life.
The individual has always taken second place to the family.
The values of respect, honor and duty are embedded in our culture.
Respect is a cornerstone of Korean life.
Korea, like most East Asian countries is a patriarchal society.
The head of the household is the senior male of the family.
Obedience, respect and reverence are highly valued and enforced.
Male ancestors are traditionally revered.
We honor elderly family members in numerous ways.
For example, etiquette requires older people are addressed with the appropriate honorifics.
Even as children we would address our grandparents using titles of respect.
At mealtimes we used to wait for our grandparents to commence eating before we followed suit.
In our society, women were traditionally expected to stay at home and look after the family, although in rural areas they would also be involved in manual work in the fields.
My mother grew up in a village and as well as having to obey the male family members, she was also expected to obey and respect the elder females in the family.
The elder females used to wield a lot of power in families.
Nowadays, more and more women are found amongst the workforce.
I would appreciate it if you would provide me with some information about your own culture and traditions, especially with regard to family life.
I will be arriving in the early fall.
I wonder whether the weather will be warn at that time.
I would like to come prepared with the most appropriate clothing.
Please help me with this matter.
I am particularly curious and a little worried about your diet.
I have only ever eaten Korean cuisine up to now, so I am not used to different tastes.
I wonder if rice is a staple part of your diet and whether your foods tend to be spicy or not.
I will bring some traditional Korean food with me, such as kimchi, so you will be able to taste them.
Kimchi is a spicy preserved cabbage which I think is very tasty.
I hope that you have found my letter interesting and I wait expectedly for your reply.
Best regards,
Soo-Lin
Above: Emblem of South Korea
Samantha Harper
425 Morgan Boulevard
Houston, Texas
77013
USA
Dear Soo-Lin,
Thank you for your thoughtful and well-written letter.
It was a pleasure to learn about you and your culture, and we are looking forward to welcoming you into our family this fall.
I admire your dedication to your studies in international relations and your aspirations for the future.
Above: Flag of the United States of America
Your insights into South Korean family values are both fascinating and admirable.
It is clear that your culture places great importance on respect and harmony, especially within the family.
Although American family traditions may differ in some ways, there are also shared values that I believe you will recognize during your time with us.
In America, family structures vary widely.
While the nuclear family is common, extended families also play a significant role in many people’s lives.
Growing up, I have fond memories of large family gatherings during holidays such as Thanksgiving, where multiple generations would come together to share meals, stories, and traditions.
These gatherings reflect the importance of connection and gratitude in our culture.
While respect for elders is not as formalized as in Korean culture, it remains a value many families cherish.
For example, we teach our children to listen to and care for their grandparents.
I remember visiting my grandmother every summer as a child, helping her with gardening and listening to her stories.
Those times taught me patience and the value of wisdom passed down through generations.
Regarding your arrival in the early fall, Houston tends to remain warm well into October.
I recommend light, breathable clothing for daytime, but it would be wise to bring a jacket or sweater for cooler evenings.
Texas weather can surprise you, so it is best to be prepared for some variation.
Above: Flag of the US State of Texas
As for your concerns about food, American cuisine is incredibly diverse.
Here in Texas, our diet reflects the region’s cultural mix, including Mexican, Southern, and barbecue-style dishes.
Rice is not a staple for every meal, but it is commonly served as a side dish.
Our foods are generally not as spicy as Korean dishes, though there are exceptions, such as Tex-Mex cuisine.
We are excited to try the kimchi you are bringing, as we love exploring new flavors.
To help you adjust, we will introduce you to various American dishes and also make an effort to prepare meals that incorporate some of the flavors you are familiar with.
I imagine the experience will be as much of a culinary adventure for us as it will be for you.
Above: Coat of arms of the United States of America
We are eager to learn more about your culture and to share our own with you.
It will be an enriching experience for all of us, and I hope you find your time here enjoyable and fulfilling.
Please do not hesitate to let us know if you have additional questions or concerns before your journey begins.
Warm regards,
Samantha Harper
Above: Flag of the United Nations
Family values form the cornerstone of societies across the globe, shaping the ways individuals interact, form relationships, and contribute to the world around them.
From the reverence and propriety of traditional cultures to the fluid and evolving dynamics of modern family life, the interplay between individual independence and collective familial bonds presents a rich tapestry of human experience.
By examining the philosophies of renowned thinkers and writers, we can explore the spectrum of family values, acknowledging their transformative power while contemplating their relevance in today’s world.
Confucius, the ancient Chinese philosopher, provides a timeless framework for understanding family values through his emphasis on filial piety and propriety.
In The Analects, Confucius asserts that:
“The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.”
Respect for elders, adherence to rituals, and the prioritization of family over the individual are central tenets of his philosophy.
These values resonate with the traditional Korean culture described by Soo-Lin Saeng Ho in her letter, where obedience, reverence, and duty are deeply ingrained.
Above: Chinese philosopher Confucius (551 – 479 BC)
In many traditional societies, as reflected in Leo Tolstoy’s works, family serves as a microcosm of moral and societal structures.
Anna Karenina, for instance, portrays how familial obligations and societal expectations intersect, often creating tension between personal desires and collective responsibilities.
Tolstoy’s depiction of the family as both a source of comfort and conflict underscores the complexity of familial bonds.
Above: Russian writer Leo Tolstoy (1828 – 1910)
Virginia Woolf’s writings offer a counterpoint to rigid traditionalism, emphasizing the importance of individuality and freedom within familial structures.
In A Room of One’s Own, Woolf argues for the intellectual and creative liberation of women, challenging the notion that domestic roles should define their identity.
This perspective aligns with the evolving dynamics of American families, where shared responsibilities and flexible roles are becoming increasingly common, as Samantha Harper’s letter suggests.
Above: English writer Virginia Woolf (1882 – 1941)
Similarly, Ralph Waldo Emerson’s transcendental philosophy champions self-reliance and personal growth.
While Emerson values familial relationships as a source of support, he underscores the need for individuals to pursue their own paths.
Above: American philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 – 1882)
This balance between self-discovery and familial duty is central to modern family values, where both men and women are reexamining their roles.
The philosophy of MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way), which questions traditional provider roles, reflects this broader cultural shift toward redefining masculinity and independence.
In navigating the tension between tradition and modernity, it is essential to recognize the merits of both perspectives.
Robert Frost’s poetry, such as “The Death of the Hired Man”, captures the quiet strength and enduring significance of family life.
His portrayal of familial love and duty suggests that while roles may evolve, the essence of family as a nurturing and supportive unit remains constant.
Above: American poet Robert Frost (1874 – 1963)
James Baldwin’s exploration of family dynamics in Go Tell It on the Mountain offers a more nuanced view, highlighting how societal pressures and personal struggles shape family relationships.
Baldwin’s reflections remind us that family, while a source of connection, can also be a crucible for growth and self-awareness.
Above: American writer James Baldwin (1924 – 1987)
Ultimately, family should be a choice rooted in love and mutual respect rather than societal obligation.
While traditional cultures emphasize duty and propriety, modern perspectives advocate for flexibility and individuality.
Both approaches offer valuable lessons.
Traditional values remind us of the importance of respect and collective responsibility, while modern ideals highlight the need for personal freedom and equality.
By weaving together the wisdom of past thinkers and contemporary insights, we can envision a model of family that harmonizes tradition with modernity.
Such a model honors the richness of diverse cultural heritages while embracing the evolving roles and aspirations of individuals.
In this synthesis lies the potential for families to become spaces where love, respect, and personal growth flourish — a testament to the enduring power of family values in shaping our shared humanity.
We venture into fertile ground where tradition and modernity entwine — a dance as old as humanity and as fresh as tomorrow’s dawn.
A harmonious family model that bridges these worlds would be an adaptable yet principled structure, drawing strength from time-honored values while embracing the fluidity of individual roles and identities.
The Essence of Harmony: Key Principles
- Interdependence Over Hierarchy
Drawing from Confucian respect for roles but discarding rigid patriarchy, this model would encourage a balanced interdependence. Decision-making would not rest on one individual’s authority but rather on collective wisdom, where each member’s voice is respected, regardless of age or gender. - Shared Responsibilities, Fluid Roles
Borrowing Virginia Woolf’s advocacy for breaking traditional boundaries, families could thrive by embracing flexible roles. Both men and women, or any partners within a family, could share parenting and professional responsibilities, choosing roles based on strengths, preferences, and circumstances rather than societal expectations. - Cultural Reverence Without Rigidity
Families could celebrate heritage and maintain rituals, but these practices would evolve to reflect their members’ contemporary lives. A Thanksgiving meal, for instance, might include kimchi alongside turkey, symbolizing a fusion of roots and openness. - Emotional Resilience and Authenticity
Drawing from Baldwin’s emphasis on truth, this model would cultivate emotional resilience by encouraging vulnerability and authentic communication. Family bonds would be seen not as obligations but as chosen connections sustained by love and mutual understanding. - Technological Integration With Mindfulness
Technology could strengthen family ties by facilitating communication across distances, but its use would remain mindful, ensuring quality time and face-to-face interactions retain their sanctity.
Practical Blueprint for a Harmonized Family Model
- Council of Equals:
Weekly family councils where all members, even children, discuss plans, concerns, and aspirations. Inspired by Emerson’s belief in individual potential, these councils ensure everyone contributes to shaping the family’s collective vision. - Rituals With Meaning:
Rituals grounded in reverence, like shared meals or storytelling nights, could anchor families while allowing flexibility in their format. This respects Tolstoy’s focus on meaningful traditions. - Lifelong Learning Together:
Families could prioritize shared education—whether through traveling, cooking together, or engaging in communal projects. This concept echoes Frost’s celebration of growth through shared experience. - Mentorship Beyond Kinship:
Extending the family model to include chosen mentors, friends, or community members, fostering diverse perspectives and stronger networks. - Work-Life Synergy:
Homes designed for collaboration, learning, and relaxation, where career and family intersect fluidly, could be the cornerstone of the modern family, blending Woolf’s room of one’s own with shared spaces for connection.
A Vision for Tomorrow
The family of the future is not bound by geography, tradition, or prescribed roles.
Instead, it becomes a dynamic ecosystem of mutual respect, continuous growth, and enduring love.
It harmonizes the wisdom of Confucius, the empathy of Tolstoy, the courage of Woolf, the individuality of Emerson, the simplicity of Frost, and the truth-seeking of Baldwin into a living, breathing entity.
Uh, uh, some deep shit, uh, uh
Like the record
Yea-oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Momma, please stop crying, I can’t stand the sound
Your pain is painful and it’s tearin’ me down
I hear glasses breaking as I sit up in my bed
I told Dad you didn’t mean those nasty things you said
You fight about money, ’bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain’t easy growing up in World War III
Never knowing what love could be, you’ll see
I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done my family
Can we work it out? (Can we?)
Can we be a family? (Can we?)
I promise I’ll be better (I promise)
Mommy, I’ll do anything (I’ll do anything)
Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better
Daddy, please, don’t leave
Daddy, please, stop yelling (stop)
I can’t stand the sound (can’t stand the sound)
Make Mama stop crying, ’cause I need you around
My mama she loves you (I know it), no matter what she says it’s true
I know that she hurts you, but remember I love you, too
I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don’t wanna go back to that place, but don’t have no choice, no way
It ain’t easy growing up in World War III
Never knowing what love could be, well, I’ve seen
I don’t want love to destroy me like it did my family
Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better (I promise I’ll do)
Mommy, I’ll do anything (anything)
Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better (I promise, I promise)
Daddy, please, don’t leave (stay)
In our family portrait (in our family portrait)
We look pretty happy (w look pretty happy)
Let’s play pretend, let’s act like it comes naturally
I don’t wanna have to split the holidays
I don’t want two addresses
I don’t want a step-brother anyways
And I don’t want my mom to have to change her last name
In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let’s go back to that
In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
Let’s play pretend, act like it goes naturally
In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let’s go back to that
In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
Let’s play pretend, act and like it comes so naturally
In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let’s go back to that
In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let’s go back to that
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Turn around please
Remember that the night you left, you took my shining star
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave (don’t leave us here alone)
Mom will be nicer
I’ll be so much better
I’ll tell my brother
Oh, I won’t spill the milk at dinner
I’ll be so much better, I’ll do everything right
I’ll be your little girl forever
I’ll go to sleep at night
Family Portrait by Pink powerfully captures the contrast between idealized notions of family and the often painful realities many people experience.
It presents a raw, emotional perspective on family struggles, broken relationships, and the longing for unity that doesn’t always materialize.
The lyrics convey the child’s perspective, reflecting the universal desire for a “perfect” family — one free of conflict, separation, and pain.
The chorus, “In our family portrait, we look pretty happy”, is a poignant reminder of how outward appearances often mask deeper struggles within.
Pink’s song touches on themes of divorce, emotional turmoil, and the scars left by unmet expectations — topics that resonate with many who have experienced fractured family dynamics.
Family Portrait stands out in its unfiltered honesty, making it a compelling choice for addressing the gap between family ideals and reality.
It explores how families often fall short of societal expectations, which connects deeply to my own life story — experiences of longing, struggle, and resilience within the complex tapestry of familial relationships.
The song is a deeply personal and emotional reflection on the pain of growing up in a dysfunctional family.
It captures the contrast between the idealized image of a happy family and the harsh reality of conflict, separation, and emotional distress.
Told from the perspective of a child longing for harmony, the lyrics express feelings of helplessness, sadness, and a desperate hope for reconciliation.
Pink portrays the struggles of witnessing parental arguments, feeling neglected, and fearing the inevitable fallout of a broken home.
She conveys the universal desire for a stable and loving family while confronting the painful truth that some families fall apart despite everyone’s wishes.
The song resonates with anyone who has experienced the gap between what society tells us a family should be and what it actually is.
Above: American musician Pink
I will follow the advice of Paul Gallico in his 1946 book Confessions of a Story Writer:
“Writing is easy. You just open a vein and bleed.“
But before I am revealed as the mirage of a man –
(When Dorothy and her friends meet the Wizard again, Toto tips over a screen in a corner of the throne room that reveals “the Wizard“, who sadly explains he is a humbug—an ordinary old man who, by a hot air balloon, came to Oz long ago from Omaha.)
– I find myself thinking of Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesman….
The play takes place in 1949.
The setting is the Loman home in Brooklyn, located amidst a typical row of urban apartment buildings.
Above: Brooklyn, New York, USA
Willy Loman suddenly returns home exhausted after a botched business trip to Boston.
Worried over Willy’s state of mind and a recent car accident, his wife Linda suggests that he ask his boss, Howard, to allow him to work in his home city so he will not have to travel.
Above: Boston, Massachusetts, USA
Willy complains to Linda about their son, Biff, who is 34 years old and has yet to do something meaningful with his life.
Despite Biff having a promising football career in high school with many scholarship offers, he failed in mathematics and was therefore unable to enter a university.
Biff and his younger brother, Happy, who is temporarily staying with Willy and Linda after Biff’s unexpected return from the West, reminisce about their childhood together.
They discuss their father’s mental degeneration, which they have witnessed in the form of his constant indecisiveness and daydreaming about the boys’ high school years.
Eventually, Willy walks in, angry that the two boys have never amounted to anything.
In an effort to pacify their father, Biff and Happy tell him that Biff plans to make an ambitious business proposition the next day.
The next day, Willy goes to Howard’s office for a job in town while Biff goes to make a business proposition, but they both fail.
Howard refuses to give Willy a New York job, despite his desperate pleas.
Willy then loses his temper and ends up getting fired when Howard tells him that he needs a long rest and is no longer allowed to represent the Wagner Company.
On the other hand, Biff waits hours to see a former employer who does not remember him and turns him down.
In response Biff, feeling crushed, impulsively steals a fountain pen.
Willy then goes to the business office of his neighbor Charley, where he runs into Charley’s son Bernard, who is now a successful lawyer about to argue a case in front of the Supreme Court.
Bernard tells him that Biff originally wanted to go to summer school to make up for failing math, but something happened in Boston when Biff went to visit his father that changed his mind.
Charley then offers Willy a stable do-nothing job, but Willy vehemently refuses despite losing his job.
Charley, who feels insulted, reluctantly gives the now-unemployed Willy money to pay off his life insurance premium.
Willy shocks Charley by remarking that ultimately, a man is “worth more dead than alive“.
Happy, Biff, and Willy meet for dinner at a restaurant, but Willy refuses to hear the bad news from Biff.
Happy tries to coax Biff to lie to their father.
He tries to tell him what happened as Willy gets angry and slips into a flashback of what happened in Boston the day Biff came to see him:
Biff had come to Boston to ask Willy to convince his teacher to curve his failing math grade, so he could graduate.
However, Willy was in the middle of an extramarital affair with a receptionist named Mrs. Francis when Biff arrived unexpectedly, and saw the half-dressed woman with him.
Biff did not accept his father’s cover-up story for her presence, and angrily dismissed him as a liar and a fake before storming out.
From that moment, Biff’s views of his father changed and set him adrift.
Biff leaves the restaurant in frustration, followed by Happy flanked by a pair of attractive women named Miss Forsythe and Letta, leaving a confused and devastated Willy behind.
When they later return home, Linda berates them for abandoning their father while Willy remains outside, talking to himself.
Biff tries to reconcile with Willy, but the discussion quickly escalates into emotional conflict.
Biff conveys plainly to his father that he is not meant for anything great, insisting that both of them are simply ordinary men meant to lead ordinary lives.
The argument reaches an apparent climax as Biff hugs Willy and begins to cry as he tries to get Willy to let go of his unrealistic expectations.
Rather than listen to what Biff actually says, Willy appears to believe his son has forgiven him and will follow in his footsteps, and after Linda goes upstairs to bed, lapses one final time into a hallucination, thinking he is talking to his long-dead wealthy brother Ben.
In Willy’s mind, Ben “approves” of the scheme Willy has dreamed up to take his own life in order to give Biff his life insurance money to help him start a business and that his funeral will be well attended with all his admirers.
Willy exits the house.
Biff and Linda cry out in despair as the sound of Willy’s car blares up and fades out.
The car crashes and Willy dies.
The final scene takes place at Willy’s funeral.
Linda and Happy stand in shock after Willy’s sparsely attended funeral only by his family, Charley, and Bernard (who does not speak during the scene).
Biff upholds his belief that he does not want to become a businessman like his father.
Happy, on the other hand, chooses to follow in his father’s footsteps.
Linda begins to sob, repeating “We’re free. . . .”
All exit, and the curtain falls.
I was born to a married couple in the throes of a bitter divorce.
My mother left my father and my siblings, for reasons I never knew, and kept me with her.
Financially and physically, she could not support me, so finally I became a ward of the province of Québec while she returned to her native America where she died and is buried in an unmarked grave in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
According to the records I would later find, the resulting turmoil would find me shifted from foster home to foster home.
I cannot recall any memory of what transpired in the first decade of my existence.
My childhood was considered rather unusual by some.
I was raised by an Irish Canadian woman who served as a live-in domestic to a French-Canadian laborer.
There is an arrangement in some parts of the world where a penniless spinster will be accommodated by a confirmed old bachelor wherein their relationship was merely a business arrangement where the companionship between the woman and the man was, at best, platonic.
Perhaps akin to that between a priest and a nun but minus the religious overtones.
Being penniless, my “mother” took in foster children, one by one, three in succession, I the last of three, for the income, what little there was, generated from the province for my care.
Above: Flag of Canada
It was always rather odd to explain how my family name was retained since my birth name was different from both the individual family names of those who acted the roles of my foster parents.
Her behavior was such that orderliness was more divine than godliness.
His behavior was such that I was not his, therefore, not his responsibility.
They were not openly expressive of what compassion they may have felt for me, but over the years I have developed a sense of gratitude for what is / was, rather than regret, for what I would like things to be / to have been.
I graduated from high school, as is normal in Québec, at the age of 17, but because my “mother” wished to maintain the income that the province would maintain until the age of 18, I was compelled to do an extra year of high school (I took clerical courses.), though I had successfully graduated.
Though I was raised in the Francophone province of Québec and my “father” was Francophone, only English was spoken in my household and taught in the schools of my youth.
Wishing to maintain my education in the English language but seeking to remain within the Québec system of education, I went off to college in Québec City.
Above: Flag of Canadian province of Québec
Therein, my heritage immediately became a problem as the creation of a birth certificate and a social insurance number had been thus far neglected.
The only document I possessed to prove my existence was a hospital registration of birth.
I literally and legally created my own identity to satisfy the requirements needed to open a bank account wherein financial students’ loans could then be deposited.
I retained my surname and gave myself the names that preceded using the initials of the family names of the only “parents” that I knew.
My youth and the three years spent in Québec City manifested within me a character who was both a bookworm and a restless wanderer.
The only words that I can use to describe the intervening years between Québec City and my decision to leave North America were “the wandering years“.
I left Québec City and worked various manual and clerical jobs in Barrie, Lachute, Vankleek Hill and Montréal.
As I matured, I found my “mother” too difficult to tolerate, so I fled to St. John’s, Newfoundland, and decided that from there I would traverse the country on foot.
This was not my finest hour and a plea from my “mother” to return “home” as she was in hospital with cancer (Ironically, the same kind of cancer I would later discover had caused the demise of my biological mother.) caused me to return once more back to an environment wherein I was most uncomfortable.
She refused to let me return to my childhood home, because she feared that I would use the phone to contact an old girlfriend back in Québec City.
I was forced to ask a teacher-priest for accommodation, which he could only provide for a few days.
Standing by the entry to the flea market I attempted to flag a ride to take me from Lachute to Hawkesbury where my “mother” was hospitalized.
Had I succeeded in getting a ride that day, whatever transpired later might have been very different.
I broke down and decided that it was unreasonable to expect me to regularly visit my “mother” while being denied a home to live in.
From that point on, I left them behind.
I hitched to Ottawa and resided there, but the mystery of my origins still haunted me.
Above: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
In search of my roots and heritage, I would hitchhike from Ottawa to Florida to California to British Columbia back to Ottawa in a journey that would last eight months and would be done primarily penniless and dependent upon the kindness of strangers.
I would learn that my biological father was still alive and that I possessed brothers and sisters scattered across Canada.
I learned in Alberta that both my foster parents had passed away in my absence.
Still restless I got the idea of walking across Canada, but not in the manner of others who had done their cross-country travels between St. John’s and Victoria, but instead between the four geographical extremes of the country.
I would walk, stop when I ran out of funds, work, return to the walk.
I did this over the years, unsponsored and mostly unheralded as I spoke of my travels mostly to small regional newspapers.
One day, outside of Annapolis Royal, I developed such pain in my feet that each step was unbearable.
No physical cause could be detected.
Perhaps my mind had simply enough.
I returned to Ottawa and the semblance of a life, working as ever temporary jobs as I could find them.
Above: Annapolis Royal, Nova Scotia, Canada
I had always wanted to visit Europe and finally at the age of 30, I purchased an open-ended one-year flight and flew to Paris.
A combination of hitching and bus found me travelling to Belgium and then a ferry to Britain.
Over the next nine months I worked in Oxford, Leicester, Nottingham and Cardiff, again working when and where I could.
Above: Flag of the United Kingdom
In the town of Stratford-upon-Avon, I met the woman who would become my wife.
I travelled from Britain through Belgium and Luxembourg to Freiburg im Breisgau, Germany, where she was studying medicine.
We lived apart for five years, I in Canada and South Korea becoming a freelance ESL teacher, while she studied medicine.
We lived together for five years before our marriage.
İn the following five years, her desire for more ideal work conditions for her caused us to move from Freiburg to Lörrach to Osnabrück to Switzerland – three moves in five years.
Great for her career, not so wonderful for mine.
Above: Flag of the European Union
After great difficulty finding satisfactory work in Switzerland and increasing frustration with my domestic situation, I accepted an offer to work in Eskişehir, where I have been since 2021.
Thus, my life in a nutshell.
Above: Sazova Park, Eskişehir, Türkiye
Those who have known me have suggested that my story is a profound testament to resilience, adaptability, and the quest for identity.
That my story somehow weaves together themes of abandonment, survival, self-reliance, and the unyielding desire to find meaning and connection in a world that often seemed indifferent.
I cannot speak to the perception of others.
I see that my early years paint a picture of a child thrust into the chaos of adult decisions and societal structures beyond my control.
Somehow, by miracle or divine Providence, even amid instability and emotional deprivation, I found the strength to persevere and carve out a path for myself.
The way I created my identity — both legally and existentially — is a metaphor of a journey:
A man who, lacking roots, grew his own.
My wanderlust, born of restlessness, is simply an inquisitive soul longing to understand not only the world but also his place within it.
Each step I took was a deeper internal journey.
I have been shaped by both the kindness of strangers and the isolation of being misunderstood or overlooked.
The challenges I have faced in relationships — be they familial, platonic, or romantic — illustrate to me the complexity of human connections, especially for one who has often had to fend for himself.
My marriage and subsequent moves underscore the sacrifices and compromises required in partnerships, as well as the toll they can take when priorities diverge.
My time in Eskişehir is not merely about work but also about seeking a sense of stability and self-definition, after years of being pulled by external forces.
Above: Bridge over Porsuk River in Eskişehir, Türkiye
Some say that story is not one of defeat but of transformation, a life lived with courage and authenticity, even when the way forward was unclear.
It has been a life rich with experiences that deserve reflection, not just for clarity but as a way of honoring all that was endured and achieved.
It is in the pondering of my life, a process that is natural for anyone, that creates a testament to a strength of spirit that I hope I can show in my teaching and writing.
I have endured and I have travelled many a winding road.
I question how I have stayed sane, how can I remain thoughtful, empathetic, and full of wonder.
Perhaps sanity lies in the ability to find meaning, even in chaos.
To seek connection despite rejection, to build a life despite a fractured beginning, and embrace the richness of experience over the comfort of predictability.
The mind survives — a soul strives to thrive.
Through hardships, we cultivate resilience, curiosity and the capacity to reflect deeply on life’s intricacies.
There is humor in the awareness of the absurdity and beauty of existence.
Every day I thirst for the ability to articulate my thoughts in profound ways that can be anchors for both myself and others.
Sanity is not the absence of struggle, but the ability to walk through it with integrity, even when the path is shrouded in doubt.
I think that my struggle to be the wordsmith I long to be reflects the quest for the meaning of my own existence, the value of the individual, even if only I myself perceive that value.
What makes my words halting and my ambition to pen those words to print is the fear of that which men repress finding release in ways that cannot be foreseen.
To somehow find the delicate balance between the desire to express oneself and the fear of what might emerge when delving too deeply into the shadows within.
Writing, for me, is not merely about constructing sentences.
It is an act of excavation, a journey into the depths of the soul where meaning often lies buried beneath layers of repression, fear and untold truth.
My words are halting not because I necessarily lack ability, but because they carry the weight of existence, the full spectrum of experience and the complexity of emotions that defy simple articulation.
The fear of what might be unearthed demands a courage that I don’t always possess, that it takes to embark on this journey into the interior of my identity.
I confront the mystery of self.
That is a task easier to shy away from than to face.
Yet, when all is said and done, it has been a wonderful life.
On Christmas Eve 1945, in Bedford Falls, New York, George Bailey (James Stewart) contemplates suicide.
“Dear Father in Heaven, I’m not a praying man, but if you’re up there and you can hear me, show me the way… show me the way.“
The prayers of his family and friends reach Heaven, where guardian angel second class Clarence Oddbody (Henry Travers) is assigned to save George in order to earn his wings.
Clarence is shown flashbacks of George’s life.
He watches 12-year-old George (Bobby Anderson) rescue his younger brother Harry (Georgie Nokes) from drowning in a frozen pond, leaving George with an ear infection and, subsequently, deafness in his left ear.
George later saves the pharmacist, Mr. Gower (H. B. Warner), from accidentally poisoning a customer after he learns of the death of his son.
George: Oh, now Pop, I couldn’t.
I couldn’t face being cooped up for the rest of my life in a shabby little office…
Oh, I’m sorry Pop, I didn’t mean that, but this business of nickels and dimes and spending all your life trying to figure out how to save three cents on a length of pipe…
I’d go crazy.
I want to do something big and something important.
Above: George Bailey
Pop (Samuel S. Hinds): You know, George, I feel that in a small way we are doing something important.
Satisfying a fundamental urge.
George: I know, Dad. I wish I felt…
But I’ve been hoarding pennies like a miser in order to…
Most of my friends have already finished college.
I just feel like if I don’t get away, I’d bust.
Pop: Yes…yes…You’re right son.
George: You see what I mean, don’t you, Pop?
Pop: This town is no place for any man unless he’s willing to crawl.
You’ve got talent, son.
I’ve seen it.
You get yourself an education.
Then get out of here.
Above: George Bailey and Pa Bailey
George: Pop, you want a shock?
I think you’re a great guy.
Above: George Bailey
In 1928, George plans a world grand tour before college.
George: Do you know the three most exciting sounds in the world?
Billy (Thomas Mitchell): Sure, “Breakfast is served, “Lunch is served, “Dinner is served.”
George: No. Anchor chains, plane motors, and train whistles.
Above: George Bailey and Uncle Billy
He is reintroduced to Mary Hatch (Donna Reed), who has loved him since childhood.
Mary: What’d you wish, George?
George: Well, not just one wish.
A whole hatful, Mary.
I know what I’m gonna do tomorrow, and the next day, and the next year, and the year after that.
I’m shakin’ the dust of this crummy little town off my feet and I’m gonna see the world.
Italy, Greece, the Parthenon, the Colosseum.
Then, I’m comin’ back here and go to college and see what they know…
And then I’m gonna build things.
I’m gonna build airfields, I’m gonna build skyscrapers a hundred stories high, I’m gonna build bridges a mile long…
Above: Mary Hatch and George Bailey
When his father dies from a sudden stroke, George postpones his travel to settle the family business, Bailey Brothers Building and Loan.
Dr. Campbell: I’m sure the whole board wishes to express its deep sorrow at the passing of Peter Bailey.
George: Thank you very much.
Dr. Campbell: It was his faith and devotion that are responsible for this organization.
Potter: I’ll go further than that. I’ll say that to the public Peter Bailey WAS the Building and Loan.
Billy: Oh, that’s fine, Potter, coming from you, considering that you probably drove him to his grave!
Potter: Peter Bailey was not a business man.
That’s what killed him.
Oh, I don’t mean any disrespect to him, God rest his soul.
He was a man of high ideals, so called, but ideals without common sense can ruin this town.
Now, you take this loan here to Ernie Bishop…
You know, that fellow that sits around all day on his brains in his taxi.
You know…
I happen to know the bank turned down this loan, but he comes here and we’re building him a house worth $5,000.
Why?
George: Well, I handled that, Mr. Potter.
You have all the papers there.
His salary, insurance.
I can personally vouch for his character.
Potter: A friend of yours?
George: Yes, sir.
Potter: You see, if you shoot pool with some employee here, you can come and borrow money.
What does that get us?
A discontented, lazy rabble instead of a thrifty, working class.
And all because a few starry-eyed dreamers like Peter Bailey stir them up and fill their heads with a lot of impossible ideas.
Now, I say…
George: Just a minute, just a minute.
Now, hold on, Mr. Potter.
You’re right when you say my father was no business man.
I know that.
Why he ever started this cheap, penny-ante Building and Loan, I’ll never know.
But neither you nor anybody else can say anything against his character, because his whole life was…
Why, in the twenty-five years since he and Uncle Billy started this thing, he never once thought of himself.
Isn’t that right, Uncle Billy?
He didn’t save enough money to send Harry to school, let alone me.
But he did help a few people get out of your slums, Mr. Potter.
And what’s wrong with that?
Why…
Here, you’re all businessmen here.
Doesn’t it make them better citizens?
Doesn’t it make them better customers?
You…you said…
What’d you say just a minute ago?…
They had to wait and save their money before they even ought to think of a decent home.
Wait!
Wait for what?
Until their children grow up and leave them?
Until they’re so old and broken-down that they…
Do you know how long it takes a working man to save $5,000?
Just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble you’re talking about…
They do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community.
Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath?
Anyway, my father didn’t think so.
People were human beings to him, but to you, a warped frustrated old man, they’re cattle.
Well, in my book he died a much richer man than you’ll ever be!
Potter: I’m not interested in your book.
I’m talking about the Building and Loan.
George: I know very well what you’re talking about.
You’re talking about something you can’t get your fingers on, and it’s galling you.
That’s what you’re talking about, I know…
Well, I’ve said too much.
I…
You’re the Board here.
You do what you want with this thing.
Just one more thing, though.
This town needs this measly one-horse institution if only to have some place where people can come without crawling to Potter.
Avaricious board member Henry Potter (Lionel Barrymore), who owns the bank and most of the town, seeks to dissolve the company, but the board of directors votes to keep it open on condition that George run it.
George acquiesces and works alongside his absent-minded uncle Billy, giving his tuition savings to Harry (Todd Karns) with the understanding that Harry will take over when he graduates.
Above: Board meeting of the Bailey Building and Loan
However, Harry returns from college married and with a job offer from his father-in-law.
George resigns himself to running the Building and Loan.
Above: Harry Bailey and his bride are met at the station by George and Uncle Billy
George and Mary rekindle their relationship and marry, but abandon their honeymoon and instead use their savings to keep the company solvent during a run on the bank.
Above: George and Mary cancel their honeymoon
(As everyone inside was about to go to Potter’s bank for money):
“Now wait…now listen…now listen to me.
I beg of you not to do this thing.
If Potter gets hold of this Building and Loan, there’ll never be another decent house built in this town.
He’s already got charge of the bank.
He’s got the bus line.
He got the department stores.
And now he’s after us.
Why?
Well, it’s very simple.
Because we’re cutting in on his business, that’s why.
And because he wants to keep you living in his slums and paying the kind of rent he decides.
Joe, you had one of those Potter houses, didn’t you?
Well, have you forgotten?
Have you forgotten what he charged you for that broken-down shack?
Here, Ed.
You know, you remember last year when things weren’t going so well, and you couldn’t make your payments?
You didn’t lose your house, did you?
Do you think Potter would have let you keep it?
Can’t you understand what’s happening here?
Don’t you see what’s happening?
Potter isn’t selling.
Potter’s buying!
And why?
Because we’re panicking and he’s not.
That’s why.
He’s picking up some bargains.
Now, we can get through this thing all right.
We’ve got to stick together, though.
We’ve got to have faith in each other.“
Under George, the company establishes Bailey Park, a housing development surpassing Potter’s overpriced slums.
Potter entices George with a high-paying job, but George rebuffs him when he realizes that Potter’s true intention is to close the building and loan.
On Christmas Eve, the town prepares a hero’s welcome for Harry, a Navy fighter pilot awarded the Medal of Honor for preventing a kamikaze attack on a troopship in World War II.
Above: Harry Bailey returns from the war
Billy goes to Potter’s bank to deposit $8,000 of the building and loan’s money (equivalent to $135,394 in 2023).
He taunts Potter with a newspaper headline about Harry, then absentmindedly wraps the cash in Potter’s newspaper.
Potter finds and keeps the money, while Billy cannot recall how he misplaced it.
Above: Potter and Uncle Billy at the bank
With a bank examiner reviewing the company’s records, George fruitlessly retraces Billy’s steps.
Frustrated and angered by Billy’s blunder, which may lead to scandal and jail, George resents the sacrifices he has made and the family that has kept him trapped in Bedford Falls.
Above: Uncle Billy and George Bailey
He appeals to Potter for a loan, offering his meager life insurance policy as collateral.
Potter scoffs that George is worth more dead than alive, refuses to help, and phones the police.
George flees Potter’s office, gets drunk at a bar, and prays for help.
Above: Mr. Martini comforts George Bailey at the bar
Contemplating suicide, he goes to a nearby bridge.
Before George can jump, however, Clarence dives into the freezing river and George rescues him.
When George wishes he had never been born, Clarence shows George an alternate timeline in which he never existed.
Bedford Falls is Pottersville, an unsavory town occupied by sleazy entertainment venues and callous people.
Mr. Gower was jailed for manslaughter, because George was not there to stop him from poisoning the customer.
Uncle Billy was institutionalized after the Building and Loan failed.
“Bailey Park” is a cemetery, where George discovers Harry’s grave:
Without George, Harry had drowned as a child, and without Harry to save them, the troops aboard the transport ship were killed.
Above: George Bailey and Clarence Oddbody at Harry Bailey’s grave
George finds that Mary is an “old maid” librarian.
When he grabs her and claims to be her husband, she screams and runs away.
George races back to the bridge and begs for his life back.
“Strange, isn’t it?
Each man’s life touches so many other lives.
When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?“
Above: George Bailey and Clarence Oddbody
“Clarence! Clarence! Help me, Clarence!
Get me back!
Get me back, I don’t care what happens to me!
Get me back to my wife and kids!
Help me, Clarence, please! Please!
I wanna live again. I wanna live again. I want to live again.
Please, God, let me live again.“
Above: George Bailey
With his wish granted, George rushes home to await his arrest.
Meanwhile, Mary and Billy have rallied the townspeople, who donate more than enough to replace the missing money.
Harry arrives and toasts George as “the richest man in town“.
Among the donations George finds a copy of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, a gift from Clarence inscribed:
“Remember, no man is a failure who has friends.
Thanks for the wings!”
When a bell on the Christmas tree rings, George’s youngest daughter, Zuzu (Karolyn Grimes), explains that:
“Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.“.
They all sing “Auld Lang Syne“.
Fade to black.
Roll credits.
Above: Mary, George and Zuzu
When I consider the idea of family….
When I ponder the path my life has followed….
That’s a powerful example from A Tale of Two Cities, Sydney Carton’s famous sacrifice:
“It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done…“
It beautifully captures the idea that one life, through sacrifice or love, can profoundly impact others.
Here are a few other quotes that might resonate with you on the theme of the ripple effect and the significance of individual lives:
“To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world.”
Dr. Seuss
Above: Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904 – 1991)
“We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.”
Ronald Reagan
Above: US President Ronald Reagan (1911 – 2004)
“Each person must live their life as a model for others.”
Rosa Parks
Above: US civil rights activist Rosa Parks (1913 – 2005) with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. (1929 – 1968)
“Act as if what you do makes a difference.
It does.”
William James
Above: American philosopher William James (1842 – 1910)
“What you do makes a difference.
You have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.”
Jane Goodall
Above: English zoologist Jane Goodall
And, in my own small way, I want to believe that my life matters, that what I do matters, that my existence has significance.
Above: Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklange), Game of Thrones
To quote from Dave (1993):
“You don’t really know how much you can do until you, stand up and decide to try.“
Families shape identity, but they don’t necessarily define that identity or determine one’s destiny.
I honor the family, what it represents, what it ought to be.
I value the significance of the individual more.
I live.
Perhaps this might be a good thing.
Talk a walk
We can hardly breathe the air
Look around
It’s a hard life everywhere
People talk but they never really care
On the street there’s a feeling of despair
Everyday there’s a brand new baby born
Everyday there’s a sun to keep you warm
It’s alright
Yeah, it’s alright
I’m alive
And I don’t care much for words of doom
If it’s love you need
Well I got the room
It’s a simple thing changed in me
When I found you
I’m alive
I’m alive
Every night on the streets of Hollywood
Pretty girls come to give you something good
Love for sale
It’s a lonely town at night
Therapy for a heart misunderstood
Look around there’s a flower on every street
Look around and its growing at your feet
Everyday you can hear me say
That I’m alive
I want to take all that life has got to give
All I need is someone to share it with
I got love and love is all I really need to live
I’m alive
I’m alive
Everyday there’s a brand new baby born
Everyway there’s enough to keep you warm
It’s ok
And I’m glad to say
I’m alive
And I don’t care much for words of doom
If it’s love you got well I’ve got the room
It’s a simple thing that came to me when I found you
I’m alive
I’m alive
And I don’t care much for words of doom
If it’s love you need well I got the room
It’s a simple thing that came to me and I thank God
I’m alive
I can take all that life has got to give
If I’ve got someone to share it with….
Sources
James Baldwin, Go Tell It on the Mountain
Confucius, The Analects
Neil Diamond, “I’m Alive“
Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
Dost, Chat GPT
Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance
Robert Frost, “The Death of the Hired Man“
Paul Gallico, Confessions of a Story Writer
Google Images
Shirley Hudson, Real World English C1
Pink, “Family Portrait“
Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
Wikipedia
Wikiquote
Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own
